When and Why is it Important that you are BOTH Ready to Get a Divorce?

Nobody goes to marriage to plan divorce, but if many or some aspects of divorce are going wrong for a long time when do you know your marriage is over? There is no precise formula, but certain symptom which getting noticeable usually by one person are:

You are feeling there is no proper connection between you which used to be present;

Trivial issue for discussion frequently triggers a fight;

You are not engaged in social activities together as you used to be routinely engaged;

When you disagree, your spouse and you cannot compromise;

You feel like it impossible to respect your spouse;

You use to share with your spouse interesting or important info the first. But he is not a first now;

You are not care about knowing your spouse’s work, problems and life;

You are optimistically thinking about life without your spouse and those thoughts make you feel better.

Based on the above signs when do you know your marriage is over? The process of disconnecting from your marriage usually takes couple years to make you completely ready. However, where you spouse in his time line of disconnecting from the marriage?

Many people are thinking that the question “when do you know your marriage is over” is only one side question. Yes and no. Legally, California is no fault divorce state. No fault divorce means that neither of you need to prove fault in order to get a divorce. If you want divorce, you spouse cannot stop you under any circumstances. You would think in such case. Does it matter where is my spouse on the timeline of disconnecting from our marriage. In no fault jurisdiction we get divorced anyway.

It is important because even with no fault divorce, if your spouse is not ready, his emotion would significantly prevail over making decision rationally. That why litigation in the courts could take years. The court does not address emotional aspect and not willing to explore an opportunity for your best outcome of divorce. It is especially important when you have children and many issues which should be addressed in divorce.

There are legal, psychological and social dimensions of divorce.  Legal is returning to single status. It impacts people economically by changing two economic units from one. In addition, the new parenting relationship must be established.  Physiological dimension is detaching from the marriage commitment and regaining autonomy through emotional separation. Which is usually two years process.

You can read under Mediation section of this website another aspects of importance for spouses to be on the same timeline regarding their dissociation from the marriage.